The sooner I'm elected God... the better

I’m having one of those days when I think the world would be a better place, if only I were God.
Being God should be a democratically elected process. I think I’d run a good campaign.
The main points in my ‘Manifesto For Becoming God’ would include...

1) All personalised car license plates would read TWAT, irrespective of what the owner asked for. The owner of the yappy little BMW might have asked for K00L J1M - and to their eyes, that's exactly what it will say, but to the rest of us, it will read TWAT.

2) Snakes (and any other animal which attack me in anxiety dreams) will become extinct. Effective immediately. Watch your step Mr Adder. Oh, and the same goes for the ants who infiltrate my kitchen. Your card has been marked.

3) Chips will make you thin and attractive to the opposite sex. The same will apply to Guinness.

4) The notion of celebrity will cease to exist. The most ‘famous' person you know will be the local baker. Note to footballers' wives - be afraid. Be very afraid.

5) Kwik Fit will provide an friendly, efficient service. And be free.

Sorry... it must be the heat.